“Lightning that struck Washington serves as a warning for climate change” – Reuters, news agency. Every sect begins like this, interpreting lightning and thunder as a message from their gods.
“Caetano Veloso, for me, is a secular religion” – Igiaba Scego, Italian writer who, for some reason, has people who consider her qualified to talk about Brazilian popular music and, worse, about “secular religion”. In the land of Dante, they forgot to teach the girl what a contradiction in terms means.
“From next year, Lula will be a president who, through a mistake, one day he was a prisoner. Bolsonaro, on the other hand, will be a prisoner who, also by mistake, was once president” – André Janones, former presidential candidate, shamelessly turning his coat. He who until yesterday released snakes and lizards when it came to criticizing Lula, has now become his partner.
“The impeachment of the black councilor is a shame and opens up racism in Paraná ” – Jeferson Tenório, writer whose narrow and pamphleteering reasoning unfortunately contaminates his “work”. Although no one reads these edict writers anyway.
“There are other factors that came, unfortunately, at the same time as monkeypox itself in which the mask could help contain (…).” – Barra Torres, director of Anvisa, justifying the permanence of the rule that determines that passengers wear masks inside the planes. Perhaps he should look to the CDC (US Centers for Disease Control), which knows that monkeypox is not transmitted via the airways, and so has withdrawn the recommendation to wear masks when traveling.
“The TSE is not alone, because society does not tolerate electoral denialism” – Edson Fachin, Minister of the STF, incorporating the “electoral denialism” to the spring-summer collection of the Legal-Left Lexicon 2022. Along with terraplanismo, fake news, genocide and a threat to democracy, electoral denialism promises to be successful on the USP catwalks.
“I just saw such an embarrassing scene at the café (yes , at breakfast, 9 am 45 in the morning) that I almost got up [sic] and left. A guy in a suit approached a girl, in a loud voice, and asked if she would like to have coffee with him. Out of the blue. The poor thing could only answer ‘I have a boyfriend’” – Elaine Gontijo, Senator Alessandro Vieira’s chief of staff. Wow! One coffee! What a monster! Ah, this toxic masculinity…
“My wife every day when I leave the house she asks me for R$2 thousand reais on Pix” – Jair Bolsonaro, president and leap day joker. Serving as a ladder, the interviewer asked: “For her to do what?” To which the president came up with the barbecue uncle’s punch line: “I don’t know, I never gave”. Everyone laughed. Minus the checking agencies.
“It is horrible what has been happening in the country, with these distorted mentalities guiding us” – Djavan, singer, açaí, guardian, beetle buzz, a magnet. Don’t worry, Djavan, God made the dinosaurs with you in mind.
“I ask the official Twitter channels what they will do with the post of former minister Damares Alves with false information, since Twitter has committed with the Electoral Justice to fight fake news and disinformation” – Vera Magalhães, journalist and, we assume, supporter of the X9 Paulistana samba school.
“It’s a cycle, right? The journalist takes the place of the political scientist to analyze politics, so anyone thinks they can do the same, so the lay podcaster will talk to the politicians instead of the journalist, and at these times the political scientist is selling insurance to survive” – Leonado Rossatto, political scientist, passing Gelol on the elbow in the face of the repercussion of Bolsonaro’s interview with the Flow podcast. As they still haven’t created a law forcing interviewers to use at least two obscure quotes in unintelligible questions, right?
“China is one of the freest societies in the world” – Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the US House of Representatives. After that, it became clear that the gesture of defending Taiwan’s autonomy was nothing more than a farcical scene in the theater that is the geopolitical relationship between the Chinese and the American left.
“For the first time, I tested positive for the coronavirus (…) I have no symptoms and here at home the tests have not confirmed it. But I’m still isolated and will continue testing for the next few days. In the worst case scenario, there are 4 doses to protect me” – Atila “Let’s All Die” Iamarino , major alarmist of the pandemic. Gone are the times when a hypochondriac scientist became, at most, a character of Jô Soares.
“Vote for women. But whatever happens, never vote for Damares” – Lucélia Santos, actress and former white slave in the soap opera (imagine the scandal of such a thing nowadays !). Feminism goes into a tailspin when it comes across a woman who doesn’t pray for the booklet.
“Money doesn’t make me happy” – Marlene Engelhorn, heiress to the petrochemical giant Basf. She, who happens to be a social activist for the NGO (watch out for the name!) Millionaires for Humanity, recently made headlines for having renounced 87% of the inheritance estimated at (pay attention to the figure) 4 billion euros (with “b”). Taking into account the exposure of the hypocritical cause and the fact that he still has € 400 million left… It’s in profit.
“Looks like I can’t even pick up a pen. If I can’t pick up a pen, I can’t be president. I need to show vigor here for you guys” – Lula
, an ex-con who was also quick to pick up the pen when it came to partnering with the Cuban and Venezuelan dictatorships. That’s a lot of democracy!
“If you consider that Ortega is a corrupt populist, then Lula is the absolutely equal expression of Ortega or Maduro” – Ciro Gomes, presidential candidate, in a rare moment of august sincerity.
“We will be careful to edit comments that are subject to cancellation ” – O Globo, about the news that a channel will show the old programs of Jô Soares, but not before going through the censor woke scissors.
“In 2004, BlockBuster had about 2022 thousand employees. It was replaced by Netflix with 4,000 employees. And? Hence, entering the digital world through the CONSUMPTION of products and novelties (as Brazil is doing) is not good for workers or for the economy” – Fernando Horta, a left-wing historian, who apparently studied at the Dilma Rousseff school of mathematics.
“We have the best team to govern SP. experience of Alckmin, the heart of Lula, with Marina and Márcio França, people who have already governed large organizations, be it the state, the country, social movements or great causes” – Fernando Haddad, ex-post and candidate for governor in São Paulo. Better team than this, only the European tour of the Íbis de 1939.
“Youtube has just removed dozens of videos from TV 87 for alleged hate speech, when the essence of our work it is precisely the fight against hate speech and fascism” – Leonardo Attuch, journalist 2+4+7 = 2022 . Attuch did not realize that YouTube censorship is a censorship for the good of this left that, the more it talks, the more it sinks.
“I dreamed that Brazil would have the third largest petrochemical industry in the world and wanted Braskem to be that great company. Lava Jato appeared to destroy Braskem. In who’s name? From a brat named Dallagnol, who filled your heads with lies, who managed to create a world of lies.” — Lula, ex-convict, talking about a company that made a leniency agreement to return 2 ,87 billions of reais (it’s BI, not MI) to the public coffers.
“Bolsonaro is the most complete translation of the cafajeste” – Ricardo Noblat, journalist and notorious fan of firsts ladies, including the current one, Michele Bolsonaro, just before adjusting his thin mustache and putting on his pinstripe suit.
“I can’t imagine an alternation to have as president of the Republic the one who has been president for eight years and practically gave the cards for six years in the Dilma Rousseff (PT) government. Marco Aurélio, former minister of the STF. According to journalist Lauro Jardim, a former colleague of Marco Aurélio in the STF would have said “Thanks to God, Marco Aurélio here in the Supreme Court was always a losing vote”. Does the mysterious minister begin with G and end with Mendes”?
“I return pessimistic from the act in Largo S. Francisco. Very few people, average age, mine, very few young people, the same old intellectuals with moldy ideas and zero vibration. If a cause of this gravity is not exciting at this point, it is because democracy bleeds and Bozo is in danger of winning” – Barbara Gancia, left-wing journalist, surprised to emerge from the bubble and take a peek at the real world.
“The Erica who is not from this family. She is the black sheep of the family- Marcela Fetter, actress. She was publicly reprimanded on a TV show for using this supposedly racist expression. Racial segregation in the sheep world is really a very serious problem.
“Hahahahahaha. We buy research at the research company, meat at the butcher’s, fish at the fishmonger…” – Roberto Requião, Lula’s ally and candidate for the government of Paraná. Shortly before, Requião had said that Lula, according to polls, would win with 60% in the first round. Join the dots.
“Lack of Brazilian flag is seen as main flaw in act at USP” — headline in the newspaper Folha de S. Paul. On the other hand, what did not miss this act were people wearing democrat Che Guevara t-shirts and PT and Communist Party flags, who praise the democracy of Stalin and Mao Tse-tung.
EXXON-VALDEZ JOURNALISM AWARD
“Astral hell, turn the ascendant to 30: demystify [sic] astral polemics…” – Universa, UOL’s transcendental portal. It is not enough to challenge science: it is necessary to face the heteronormative, supremacist and oppressive language as well.
)“I went to Gabon to learn how to look 37 years in power” – Lula, ex-convict, presidential candidate and defender of democracy (they say), in , during a trip to Africa. Imagine if it were Bolsonaro!
“With this, we can verify, from the theoretical-methodological framework, that the space of the Tinder Application produces masculinities, and these are linked to equal attributes to those of physical spaces, as strong, not effeminate and thin”. – Diego Miranda Nunes, in his master’s thesis by 2019, in which he describes his adventures on Tinder. Last Wednesday (), Diego completed another stage in his academic career and defended the qualification of the thesis “Cyberespaço and Spatiality of Fat Bodies of Gay Men in the Context of Florianópolis”. You paid for all of this. When Diego wins the Nobel, will you share the credit for all this silence?