I take Nostradamus very seriously and, therefore, I cherish the three volumes of the Complete Works of Nostradamus (Ed. Sabrina). The compendium is a masterpiece in itself, full of illuminations and that gothic typography tailor-made to seduce short-sighted people like me. But the best thing is that the quatrains are all commented by the great scholar Alex de Shoares Sylva, professor at the renowned University of Quaresmeiras Roxas and the greatest specialist in Nostradamus, police literature and income tax in the world.
It was thanks to one of these footnotes that, distressed by the political directions of my manly Brazil, I opened one of the volumes to come across the quatrain in which Nostradamus talks about the coup 2022® in Brazil. The resemblance to reality is striking, although what he predicts isn’t all that surprising. This is how old Nostra prophesies and poetizes (for his intimates):
The brutal and unrestrained bald man stretches the rope.
It is the fool who thinks he is king and owner of the truth,
Fills his mouth to talk about democracy
And he dies of fear that his throne will be taken away.
Almost fell off my chair reading this. But I thought Nostradamus could be talking about any bald “brutal and unrestrained”. Maybe even from myself. Or Luciano Hang. This, by the way, is a characteristic of seers, even though they call themselves prophets: broad predictions and open to all kinds of interpretation. But then an owl hooted outside, the light of the full moon came in through the window, the clock chimed 12, a black cat crossed my path. And, when I realized it, I was facing an even more revealing quatrain.
The coup is expected to come from the Executive
But what if the Judiciary have already given the blow?
I prefer to believe in my cognitive gifts
To trust in Alexandre de Moraes with my luck.
The Strike 2022® is Virgo with Sagittarius rising and moon in Aquarium. What does that mean? I have no idea. That’s why I interviewed the astrologer, master brewer, day trader and president of the Clube Filatélico de Sorocaba, Fábio Moraes (no relation to any minister of the STF) , who asked the reporter for some time to study the intricate astrological map of the event.
“I’m seeing here that the Coup has the Midheaven in Virgo, which means a planned, calculated, clean break and all sorted by color. On the other hand, in the lower part of the chart is the sign of Aries, which means that the Coup will be rude and rude”, explained, or at least tried to explain, the astrologer. “But the most important thing is this here, oh”, he said, pointing to the birth chart. “Mars in the house 10, in Virgo. Do you know what that means?”, he asked.
Of course I didn’t know. Fábio Moraes took a sip of the IPA he made in the basement of his house, took advantage of the interval between the question and the answer to buy and sell some stocks and, with the tweezers, showed me a very rare stamp from Nauru. Or Tuvalu. I always get confused. “That means the break is certain. Unless… Ah, here it is: Pluto in Capricorn and Jupiter in Aries, in the 6th house. In the 6th house! Do you know what that means?”.
As soon as the runes were played, Catota thought it was a joke and left spreading everything around the house. I will owe this one.
Before sitting in front of the famous tarot writer Madame Zoraide, I had to smear myself all over with alcohol , put protection on shoes, put on a cap and plastic gloves, and cover the face with two masks N95. “It’s science,” said Madame Zoraide, pointing to a chair that kept us at a safe distance of exactly eight feet. “It’s science,” she repeated. “These are the recommendations of the health authorities”, she insisted.
Madame Zoraide placed the cards on the table with visible impatience. “I don’t like to meet denialists, but I’ll make an exception for you,” she said. Taking her cue, I handed her some maned wolf notes. Madame Zoraide calmly put away the Cubs before opening the deck.
“Here we have The Hanged Man”, she said. “And, here, the Tower,” she continued. The third card she put on the table was the one from the Sun. Madame Zoraide looked at me as if it was all too obvious. It took her a few seconds to realize that this was an indecipherable world for me. “Whether there will be or there was a coup on the 7th of September I don’t know. What the cards indicate here is that a lot of people will appear criticizing you for laughing at the divinatory arts”, she said. “But don’t these people have a sense of humor?” I asked. To which Madame Zoraide replied that that was another matter. But my maned wolves were over.
According to the meteorologist and babalorixá Gusmão Tornado, the forecast for the Coup 2022® in Búzios is sunny, with rain in the morning and lessening of clouds in the afternoon. The maximum temperature must not exceed 27 degrees.