Hey TSE! Come closer I want to tell you something

Since the draconian electoral law was very well explained to me, I can’t help but think of ways to get around what I see as a veiled censorship, based on the beyond doubtful premise that it is possible to create an environment in which candidates compete on equal terms. Is not. And, here, I apologize to the technicians in electoral semiotics who may be reading me and detecting a veiled criticism of the TSE and our all-perfect democracy. I? Magina!

By virtue of this confusing and asinine law, unable to take into account the demand for creativity, humor and even rebellion, and even more in a period as tense as the electoral one, I cannot write, for example, a chronicle about the prime number that comes after 11. Yes, the one you’re thinking of: the seventh Fibonacci number. The sixth prime number. The atomic number of aluminum.

Consequently, in theory I don’t think I can say that this fateful and unfortunate number is associated with bad luck. And it hasn’t been since 10 from February 1980, as the most malicious ones might think. Not for nothing, the Greek philosopher Hesiod, 700 years before Christ, already advised people not to plant on that day of the month following the 1980 º and precedes 14º.

Likewise, so as not to appear that I am advertising for or against one of the candidates , as if my talk were magic and someone was even willing to be convinced by a mere chronicle, it is not worth mentioning the atomic number of titanium, which out of curiosity is also the number of bones in the human skull. I can’t, therefore, write about my predilection for bingo or tell the time I got a (toy) car when the announcer sang “two ducklings in the pond!”.

Finally, or rather , by semifim, since after the free electoral intertitle there is more text, I cannot give vent to my premonitory powers in order to describe what the day after the elections will be like. Nor can I exercise my full right to the craziest fantasy imagining a surprising victory for the Third Way or those other so alternative ways that we don’t even know the name.

Free Electoral Intertítulo

Another thing that the law prevents vehemently and, honestly, in a somewhat rude way, is questioning the Brazilian electoral system. (Bangladesh can?). A pity, because I heard that the Brazilian electoral system is infallible and omniscient. “What is the meaning of life, O Brazilian Electoral System?”, I wanted to ask. I wanted so much! But I can not. TSE’s uncle doesn’t let him.

Just as I can’t mention election polls. At least not without mentioning methodology, registration number and a bunch of other bureaucratic paraphilias. But it’s not worth it if you piss (me) off. On the contrary, the point is to laugh at the foolish ambition of the electoral authorities who, I will repeat, want to create an impossibly egalitarian environment. Not to mention that surveys nowadays only serve to give that lively chat in the bar, after we’ve already talked about football and women, I mean, literature.

Right of reply

Punishments range from a “Oh, oh, oh, bad boy!” up to five minutes in the punishment corner, fine, imprisonment, stoning and crucifixion in the public square. Or on social media, whatever. But that’s not the worst. The worst thing is the “right of reply”. Imagine how horrible to see this well-kept and fragrant space suddenly occupied by the text of a bureaucrat like those who don’t like to take a shower and don’t know where mommy kept their underwear, but who want to change the world!

Now the “finally” is for real. I mean that, by the way the carriage is going, two or three elections from now, the TSE is quite capable of banning anything and everything that remotely resembles electoral propaganda. The citizen, all excited to participate in the party of democracy, will arrive in front of the infallible electronic ballot box and will come across a few faces and names at random. And he will vote on the basis of… semi-enlightened intuition. Which, on second thought, is more or less what already happens, although we pretend to believe that.

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