Fidelity debated in prime time

The termination of the engagement of the Spanish aristocrat Tamara Falcó, due to the news that the groom had been unfaithful, sparked a great debate in public opinion in Spain regarding fidelity. Some research backs up what many have defended tooth and nail for weeks: the relationship with a person in an unconditional and permanent way is important to us, and a lot.

Just two days after the announcement of the engagement, the leak of a video in which Íñigo Onieva appeared kissing another woman this summer put an end to his relationship with Tamara Falcó.

A few days later, the Marchioness of Griñón appeared on the television program El Hormiguero (Antena 3), where he had a conflict with journalist Juan del Val. Faced with Del Val’s statement that “fidelity is something unnatural”, Falcó defended that human beings are capable of dominating impulses and defended the value of fidelity for marital happiness.

Your intervention in full prime time on Spanish television was followed at its maximum audience by 3.3 million Spaniards, the second best data of the year for the program. On social networks and in various media, a conversation began in which many joined in the defense of exclusivity in couple relationships.

The vast majority want monogamy

A few months ago, a poll by

dB for the newspaper El País

has shown precisely that Spanish society is more traditional than suggested reality shows

as First Dates or La isla de las tentaciones [“A ilha das tentações”]. Journalist Patricia Gosálvez sums up the survey’s conclusions this way: “And how do we love today? According to the vast majority of the 2.000 interviewed, we do this as a couple, in a heterosexual, monogamous way, in cohabitation and with stability.”

In fact, despite the insistence on open relationships (polyamory) on the part of some journalistic information and songs, 83, 2% of respondents say they prefer monogamy as a model, and an even larger majority (94,6%) is actually monogamous.

Some people who practice polyamory say they find in this type of relationship a way of not being unfaithful (there being no commitment of exclusivity that can be broken), or a way to back up one’s own instincts. This is how Diana Adams, an American activist for the recognition of the rights of polyamorous relationships, which she has been practicing for almost ten years, puts it: “I think it’s interesting to see that monogamous couples end up neutralizing their sexual desires, unlike polygamous ones.”

However, a study published in 2022 shows that dissatisfaction among those who have experienced polyamory is high. In a sample of more than 3.000 single US adults, one in ten had been involved in a relationship with more than one person , and of those, only 33% said they would repeat the experience. On the other hand, 33% recognize that the emotional effects associated with such relationships are “too difficult to manage”.

The ideal and the difficulties

Despite the desire for fidelity that is in us, observes Martiño Rodríguez-González, family therapist and professor at the University of Navarra, current lifestyles pose obstacles for him: “We live in a culture that promotes aspects that make fidelity and stability difficult, such as job changes and demands, the trivialization of extramarital relationships, etc. We also have an idea of love as something uncontrollable (passion), or as something you don’t need to take care of, because it grows on its own and we think that everyone knows how to love automatically, without any effort. load on the spouse, demanding too much on the professional and human level.”

Notwithstanding, and in spite of the current problems, the data they also say that a large majority prefers marriage – a union that a priori is called to last – to new forms of coexistence, such as stable unions. The latest figures from INE in Spain show that there are 9.4 million marriages, compared to 1.8 million stable unions. That is, 84% of couples initially bet on permanence, despite the difficulties that may arise.

©2022 ACEPRENSA. Published with permission. Original in Spanish.

Recent Articles