Fantastic outcomes for a surreal political crisis

Imagine how crazy if! Ever since this political crisis, which I will call surreal, took hold in Brazil, even though it is more Dadaist, I keep repeating it and imagining outcomes that are crazy one day, only to reveal themselves perfectly plausible the next. Which is doubly unfortunate. First, because it seems that all rationality parameters have gone to hell and what prevails today is the voluntarism of five-year-old children dressed up as authorities. And then because… I forgot. If I remember until the end of the text, I’ll say.

Here, now, is a list of possibilities that today I’ll call delusions, but tomorrow I’m not so sure. It is worth warning, however, that I am neither an oracle nor a seer, and that if any of the scenarios described come to fruition it will have been mere coincidence – either bad luck or punishment.

Lula frames STF

Imagine how crazy if the ex-convict elected Lula, in his very first act of government, realizes that he will have to dispute the spotlight and power with Minister Alexandre de Moraes and decides to do what President Jair Bolsonaro has not done so far. Now imagine, on the one hand, the left having to justify Lula’s action. And, on the other hand, the right open-mouthed watching the opponent re-establish the already mythical “harmony between the powers”.

(Again, and for the last time, I am not saying that this will happen or that there will be any possibility of this happening. Just imagine how crazy if).

Slap kid glove

Imagine how crazy if, tiptoe, quietly which will certainly follow Pabllo Vittar’s strident performance singing the National Anthem during the ex-convict’s inauguration, President Jair Bolsonaro appears in full regalia, slowly removes his presidential sash and transmits it (?) ultrademocratically to Lula. Then he greets the new Chief Executive, checks his pockets to see if his wallet is still there – and leaves. Without saying a single word. Without making a single peep. Talked?

New elections

Imagine how crazy it would be if President Jair Bolsonaro, responding to the requests of the demonstrators in front of the barracks, invokes some obscure legislation and declares the presidential election of 2022 illegitimate. But wait, there’s still more. Imagine how crazy if, after doing that, Bolsonaro announces the holding of new elections (against Lula!), but this time with an auditable vote. But wait, there’s still more. Imagine how crazy if in this new election… Bolsonaro loses to Lula by a minimal difference.


Imagine how crazy if Lula is there all pimpão at the inauguration party when, suddenly, no less and no more than suddenly, he suffers a syncope when he hears a duet by Chico César and Gaby Amarantos singing “Coração de Estudante”. But nobody notices. So, Lula, now with executive pen in hand, appoints Bolsonaro (yes, Bolsonaro!) Chief Minister of the Civil House and immediately becomes the target of an impeachment request from the PT, which alleges that the ex-convict was replaced by a Bolsonarista doppelganger.

I really forgot

Imagine how crazy it is if I finish the chronicle without remembering the other reason why I find it regrettable to imagine these outcomes that are crazy one day, but which turn out to be perfectly plausible the next.

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