Unless you live on Mars or right here on Earth, but in a country that has concerns other than politics, you probably know that president and reelection candidate Jair Bolsonaro gave a 5-hour interview to Flow podcast or Flow Podcast, whichever you prefer. Another thing that caught our attention was the low ratings of the interview: only 600 a thousand people watched the program live.
The checking agency, rechecking and pre-check Polzonoff took care to watch the first hour of the interview in order to bring you, the reader, the true and very true truth of the facts. Otherwise, you can even believe that we are paid to talk zucchini – one of Jair Bolsonaro’s serious accusations against the press, a true attack on journalistic freedom and a crime against humanity.
Below are about (I said thirteen!) lies and deplorable facts that our team of experts, checkers, checkers, checkers and problem solvers found in those who will be forever marked in history as the 300 most fascist minutes in Brazilian history since the country was invaded by white supremacists Portuguese.
“Falar abobrinha”
When referring to the press and the supposed journalistic predilection for the adversative conjunction “but”, the genocidal President Jair Bolsonaro said the press was talking zucchini. Speech Science expert Cida Gaga (no relation to Lady) explains that talking zucchini is impossible. “Our speech system is made up of muscles that are dedicated to producing sound waves, not zucchini, zucchini or, to use the native term, jerimum,” she said. For agronomist, botanist and rapper dr. Abo Brinha, it would be impossible for the press to speak zucchini because Cucurbita pepo, from the cucurbitaceae family, would not be able to develop properly in the human oral cavity.
“There is no perfect regime”
When mentioning the Military Dictatorship, Bolsonaro said that it had successes and mistakes and that “there is no perfect regime”. Which, according to Cuban Attaché for the Establishment of Truth, Juan Minto, is a lie. “The Cuban regime is, yes, perfect. Depending on your crime against socialist leaders, you can lose up to 70% of your weight in our weight loss programs at Spa Che Guevara for Reactionaries,” he said. Other perfect regimes include North Korea, China and, more recently, Venezuela.
“Army personnel work 24 hours a day”
When mentioning the work of the Armed Forces, Bolsonaro committed the crime of inciting slave labor when he said that “Army personnel work
hours per day”. In addition to being criminal, the phrase is negationist. “If you work 24 hours in a day, you won’t have the opportunity to rest and so after a while you will probably die of exhaustion,” said hypnologist and homeopath Laura Soninho . Because of the president’s lamentable speech, the Insomniac Labor Lawyers Association released a letter demanding “more respect for comrades in the Armed Forces, even if they are all fascists.”
“It has become three abandoned lots”
When talking about the refineries that Lula and Dilma wanted to build, but US imperialism did not allow, Bolsonaro committed, first of all, a serious crime of language abuse. by erring on purpose the agreement. Then he lied when he said the grounds are abandoned. “According to the World Organization for the Defense of Vocabulary Precision, the militiaman, I mean, the president, could only call that abandoned land if there was at least a ball of capotão and a couple of feet of castor beans, which is not the case”, explained Dr. Aurélio Aulete Houaiss de Buarque Holanda. He also told anyone reading us right now to vote for him in the next Brazilian Academy of Letters election.
“This issue has been castrated”
In one of the most striking moments of the interview, Bolsonaro accused Science of a barbaric crime. “This issue has been castrated,” said the Unnameable, referring to the use of chloroquine and ivermectin or the fact that vaccines are experimental or anything else that you can’t talk about at all. In a note, the pre-candidate for PSOL, Professora Questão, says that she was not neutered. Still. “I’m just taking female hormones, but next week I have to schedule surgery. Long live the SUS!”, she said, which one day it was.
“The world fell on my head”
Still talking about Covid-19, Jair Bolsonaro mentioned the disgusting figure of speech of the alligator, used to refer to those who did not fear the (non-existent) risks of vaccines. However, there is no record that this astronomical phenomenon took place. “We studied various astronomical and astrological maps and found that it is impossible for an Aries with a Cancer ascendant and Aquarius Moon to have been hit on the head by a world that day”, explained astronomologist Walter Quiroga.
“Consortium of governors made the party”
When talking about the governors who would have bought overpriced respirators and which were never delivered during the height of the Covid pandemic-19, Bolsonaro accused the “consortium” of “having the party”. Several gossip columnists consulted by Agência Polzonoff, however, denied that such an event had taken place and were outraged at the possibility of not having been invited to the rega-bofe. One of them even threw the glass of Aperol in our reporter’s face!
“Buying fight with CPI”
When talking about CPI of Covid, Bolsonaro incriminated himself by saying that he “got a fight”. For the bachelor, lawyer, jurist, law firm and Roman axé dancer Lenina Tung, buying a fight without bidding certainly configures some kind of corruption. “Research there, I’m in traffic now and I can’t talk,” she said during a brief interview. For a senator who did not want to be identified, but everyone knows who he is, the case is very serious and could overthrow Bolsonaro. “I am going to the STF right now to file a request for Bolsonaro to disclose the notes of this purchase. I’m sure the fight was overpriced”, he said.
Spelling errors, KKK and bribe
In addition to all that, in just an hour Bolsonaro, who has already changed the Minister of Education three or four times (we need to get more information about this, but at the moment our supercomputers are busy due to our partnership with the TSE), made several spelling mistakes during the interview. “Corruption”, “fuel”, “ezército” and “çaúde” were just a few errors that our experts in Auditory Spelling recorded.
It is also worth noting that Bolsonaro laughs with “kkk”, in an explicit reference and criminal to the racist organization Klu Klux Klan. Finally (although this happened at the beginning of the interview), Bolsonaro accepted live, for all to see, a bribe from one of the sponsors of the podcast. “The black shirt that doesn’t let the stench out of the armpit could be the end of the Bolsonaro government,” said political analyst Alexandre Bioy Casares.
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