World

Athayde Petreyze analyzes Lula's honeymoon and the Amber Heard x Johnny Depp case

To the tune of the tuned chorus “Olê, olê, olá, olá/ Athayde Petreyze came to stay!” (lyrics by Bráulio Bessa and music by Ivan Lins), I was urged by my fans and my elegant editor, who wore an Ermenegildo Nonato suit and Balenciaga sneakers, those of R$10 thousand, to return to this space and take the place of columnist Paulo Polzonoff Jr., unable to write because of the overwhelming fever (36,8) of Covid-19.

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And here I am to tell you behind the scenes of the honey squid, I mean, honeymoon of Lula and Janja. Yes, I was there and followed everything. But, as I am a social columnist with a social & moral conscience, I will leave the details of the wedding night to the imagination of the voter, voter and voter in love with Lula. Let’s just say that the vote was affectionately deposited in a ballot box thirsty for democracy.

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The honey squid marked the first political clash of the ideologically very in tune couple. Lula, always aware of the misery of our suffering people, wanted a very simple room in some Fasano in his life, while Janja preferred to spend his honeymoon in an MTST camp. Lula, a 4D chess ace in politics, argued that he could not privilege Guilherme Boulos over his comrade Stédile.

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This was the first right decision of a Lula’s third government.

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The issue was resolved by the always helpful and Machiavellianly intelligent José Dirceu, who convinced the couple that life is too short for this something of a social movement and that they needed to learn from Marx to make the most of bourgeois comfort.

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The Grand Suite Imperial Top Max Plus at the Gulag Hotel Ibirapuera ended up being chosen. At the price of R$200 a thousand per day, the couple enjoyed a room with a bed, a view of the front building, ambient soundtrack of the planes that land in Congonhas, Neutrox conditioner and shampoo Silk. Everything was paid for by a friend, of course.

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The day after the stupendous wedding night (those closest say that the pleasure was greater than the possession, in 2002, and the release from prison, in 2020), the couple sat in front of the TV to follow an important case for the bride: the trial of sexist Johnny Depp, accused of something very serious and ugly by the sweet and beautiful Amber Heard.

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Lula wanted to know who were involved. Janja obscured that Depp (not to be confused with one of the greatest poets of our generation, the profound Johnny Deep) and Amber were doing their dirty laundry in public. Lula, after telling a sad story about the time he was forced to wash clothes for the whole family in a small stream that passed behind the factory on ABC, announced that, once elected, he intends to create a Special Secretariat for Laundry of Dirty Clothes. Janja’s eyes lit up.

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At this moment, we from the press were invited to leave so that Lula and Janja could participate in the second round of the wedding night. Only a few close advisors and some STF ministers remained, in addition to the ubiquitous photographer Ricardo Stuckert. In the hotel corridor, colleagues complained about not being able to witness the political vigor of our Great Helmsman. From what we heard, however, the count was very fast and Lula took the lead.

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Janja, it turned out later, asked for a recount of votes, but Lula argued that the auditable vote was against democracy.

Athayde Petreyze is a social columnist, science journalist and candidate for a vacancy in the STF.

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