Ah, if it was Bolsonaro’s wedding…

Casamento de Lula e Janja é tratado com o devido respeito, quando não com devoção. Agora imagina se fosse Bolsonaro se casando…

Lula and Janja’s marriage is treated with due respect, if not devotion. Now imagine if it were Bolsonaro getting married…| Photo: Ricardo Stuckert

Today (18) ex-president, ex-convict and ex-con Lula and sociologist Janja exchange alliances in what promises to be the political-romantic event of the year. A rich man’s wedding, for people who don’t have to worry about getting up early on Thursdays. Two hundred privileged, in many ways, will have the opportunity to eat and drink the best and the best, momentarily forgetting that they are “the voice of the dispossessed”, taking away the fantasy of social justice and feasting on what bourgeois life has to offer. more expensive and tacky.

There are people there in an uproar. There is talk of the triumph of love on the left over hate on the right. The most idolatrous celebrate the groom’s physical form and the bride’s social conscience. Some more daring fear that the wedding could be interrupted by bailiffs who have been trying to notify the future Mrs. Lula due to debts from the time when she didn’t dream of becoming First Lady.

As theoretically happens in a maximum security prison, cell phones are prohibited. So the guests (and the bride and groom) will be able to afford (one more!) to be themselves, without worrying about the reaction of public opinion. And without giving trouble to an already overwhelmed public relations team committed to cleaning up the image of leftists.

The ostentation surrounding the nuptials of the couple Janja and Lula (Cage) took on an epicurean outline. In the conversations, the PT’s devotees carry in the pocket of their Ermenegildo Zegna jacket a small bag with several buts, howevers, howevers, howevers and howevers to be promptly used to justify a detail in the silverware or, more likely, a crazy speech by the groom. Which, after one or two doses of leopard, will certainly transform the wedding into a rally.

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If the bride and groom were different, ah, how different the coverage of the event would be! I know I mentioned President Jair Bolsonaro in the title, but we don’t have to go that far. It was enough to be the wedding of anyone who was not associated with the PT elite or the extreme left who will have to ask Dad for money to rent a suit.

Were it not for the wedding of the Father of the Poor 2.0, surely some editor would have the brilliant idea of ​​sending a reporter with literary aspirations to accompany the wedding of a poor couple in the favela or in the countryside of Piauí. “João and Maria, unlike the rich people who filled Espaço Bisutti…”, the reporter would write in the very first sentence, without shame in making the class struggle his standard.

Not to mention the battalion that would be dedicated to investigating the past life of each of the guests, exposing details of their behavior and invariably portraying them like bogeymen. “The socialite Amelinha Figueroa refuses to greet the doorman”. Or: “The industrialist Adolfo Furz, named after Hitler…”. Or: “Last harvest, agribusiness magnate Francisco Bento used enough pesticides to fill millions of Olympic swimming pools.”

From there would come the historical-anthropological considerations about the festival. Silverware forged in industries that use child labor. The flowers of the bouquet picked by the great grandchildren of Colombian slaves. “All the guests were carrying large-caliber weapons, hidden in a koala leather holster and under suits cut by tailors who, in their spare time, dedicate themselves to setting fire to the Amazon,” wrote the reporter, already thinking about submitting the masterpiece. in one of these literary journalism awards. Or, who knows, even a tortoise!

Finally, analyzes would come wider. “Understand how Bolsonaro’s wedding messes with your pocket.” Or: “Military plots a coup during Bolsonaro’s wedding toast.” Or: “Minister of the Environment chokes on a canapé of bread with condensed milk while the Amazon burns in flames.” And so on.

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